After death, divorce is probably one of the most exhausting, difficult and emotionally devastating situations. It is the “death” of a marriage and it can be mourned. However, depending on the situation, divorce can also be one of the most liberating actions a person can take. It’s like the saying goes:
LOL!!! Am I right? Once again…this is depending on the situation. I view marriage as sacred. It is God’s arrangement and as such should be respected and treasured. But when you find receipts for negligees that are not yours and outgoing calls to strip clubs on your phone bill, etc etc etc etc etc…something is obviously wrong and you need to…
…TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!! (Don’t you just love that picture?!) Mind you, I didn’t always joke around about divorce the way I do now. I was deeply depressed when my marriage crumbled and I was so affected that I made some mistakes of my own that I’m not proud of. I was at rock bottom. It was time to put on my big girl panties and take responsibility for my life. In fact, it took me two long years to finally finish the process since I wasn’t getting help from anyone, nor did I want help…least of all from the ex creature I was ridding myself of. I wanted to do it myself…for ME. Another important factor was timing. I didn’t want to be crying or furious in the court room. I wanted to be cool, composed and HAPPY! I allowed myself to be a pathetic sight for as long as it took….and trust me, I was a pathetic sight! (keyword: WAS) I cried, I bled, I yelled and suffered migraines over this divorce, but that was only the “healing process” and I was NOT going to be in that state in the court room!
At the end of last year (2011) a force just gave me the strength and stamina to make calls, argue on the phone, and contact certain unwanted people…all with the prize in view- having my last name back and being free. Now, 6 months after the judge called me “Miss” and gave me a paper with a beautiful gold seal finalizing my divorce, I am happier than ever!
WOOHOO!!! LOL. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel empowered and liberated. When people ask me questions, I know that I have the option not to answer. I live how I want to live, spend my money how I want to spend it and I no longer suppress my personality in the hopes of pleasing a man who, no matter what, is not going to love me because it just wasn’t meant to be.
I live a peaceful life. People are always telling me they want me to party, have more fun and enjoy life. To me, that’s not enjoying life. Being self sufficient and empowered is enjoying life, not getting drunk, making a fool out of myself dancing perverted dances with useless and depraved men at a club and not remembering what happened. Maybe my idea of fun isn’t the same as yours. Friends and acquaintances say “you need to find someone to complete you.” I am complete now that I’ve gotten rid of the leach that was sucking away at my identity. In my case, a divorce is something I celebrate!
How come nobody got me a cake like this?! LOL!!! People say they don’t want me to be alone and are quick to refer me to “eligible” bachelors. Alone? I have been alone before- when I was married, I was alone all the time. Doesn’t it hurt more to have someone and still be alone than to be alone and empowered by choice? Is a man so necessary for happiness? Not in my case. This doesn’t mean I’m not open to a relationship should a GOOD man come along, I’m just not actively seeking a relationship and have no intention to do so any time soon.
A month after my happy divorce I made myself a divorce ring. Hey, if a wedding brings on a ring, so can a divorce! LOL It’s black (death of marriage), and I wear it on my left ring finger…I recently moved it to my right hand, if I feel like wearing it at all.
The point is, as imperfect human beings we cannot see the big picture in life. We make stupid choices, we fail, we fall over and over again. It doesn’t mean we’re stupid, it just means we’re human. It doesn’t mean that we have to go to pieces because we think our lives have temporarily gone to pieces. When something big and scary like divorce happens to you, feel the pain, yes, allow yourself that! There will come a time where you will get sick of crying, sick of seeing his last name on your mail, sick of being bound to a nuisance and you will empower youself and take a stand. Beauty and new appreciation for life can come out of the worst situations. Gold is beautiful because it is exposed to the hottest of firey temperatures with the goal of being refined. So let these experiences in life refine you and make you a more beautiful person. Look forward to the outcome – a new lesson learned, freedom, dignity, happiness.
Congratulations on finding yourself.